Ask Not The Sparrow How The Dragon Soars ( A KLK HTTYD CROSSOVER)
by kushpuppy
Summary: What will Hiccup and Astrid do when they find themselves thrown into satsuki's empire that is Honnouji Academy. Some strong language and use of drugs and sex. Viewer Discretion is advised


**A How to Train Your Dragon Kill la Kill Crossover fanfiction**

**Co- Written by Cornelius Raisin and Reginald Sniff Blood Iron**

**Chapter 1: Serendipity **

Hiccup and astrid were exploring on their dragons during the the sunset. "It is just so beautiful up in the sk- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT" exclaimed astrid as the pair were blinded by a piercing light. They crashed into the giant structure that was...HONNOUJI ACADEMY.

**Chapter 2 :Peaceful happy time**

Toothless and hiccup were seperated in flight and both came crashing down into the center of a large dome, astrid and stormfly landing near to them. Astrid was bleeding pretty badly from her lip and arm. Hiccup thought that was pretty hot. Hiccup liked a woman who could take a beating and still get up on her two feet. Which is exactly what she did next, get up on her two feet and observe the situation. There was large stadium seating all around the arena but not a soul occupied the seats" i didnt realize the MIAMI DOLPHINS WERE PLAYING TODAY HAHAHA!" Nobody laughed at her joke. At the front was a towering pillar where the light was eminanting from. "What could that light possibly be?" Questioned astrid. "JUST SOME FUGLY BITCH" screamed the girl with a red streak in her hair who had just appeared next to them. IT WAS RYUKO MATOI.

**Chapter 3: Butter churners delight**

Astrid began to faint in surprise but ryuko-senpai was there to catch the damsel. She grinned and planted a daring kiss right on astrid's lips. "Dont worry" ryuko chan said "...im a lesbian". Blood burst from hiccups nose in all directions, it was the hottest thing hed seen all day . He was already plotting potential threesomes in his head. It was gonna be really...really...sexy. Astrid was blushing and looking away really embarrased about being kissed by a girl. "Im just so embarrased!" astrid sighed and glanced over at her man slave in a pool of his own blood. Toothless was sniffing up ryuko's sailor skirt " GET OFF ME YOU STUPID PERVERT" ryuko SLAPPED toothless across the face. Toothless would have bitten ryuko, if only he had teeth. Toothless looked at hiccup dying of blood loss and at astrid blushing and fidgeting. " WHATS IT GONNA TAKE FOR ME TO GET SOME ASS AROUND HERE?!" Exclaimed toothless.

Suddenly a voice boomed across the arena "STOP THIS TOMFOOLERY AT ONCE YOU LOAD OF GOONS"

It was...SATSUKI KIRYIUN.

**Chapter 4: SATSUKI IS HOT AS SHIT**

Satsuki strode down her 5734 thousand stairs just to step on hiccups face. She grounded her heel into his cheek and yelled " WHAT IS THIS LUMP OF SPOTTED HORSE FORESKIN DOING ON MY SCHOOL GROUNDS?!" Hiccup-san had an awesome view up Satsuki's dress. He could see her booty like a ham sandwhich and her bush like the congo rainforest. Lush and dense. He was into that. Astrid's bush was pretty dense but way less hot. He couldn't wait to tell stinky foot about this. Stinky foot would totally get off to this. He was hoping to buy some naked satsuki merch off of amazon or ebay whichever had better, ass long as astrid wouldn't see. He was always looking to add to his bush collection. He was totally in love with satsuki, but what he didn't know was ASTRID WAS IN LOVE WITH SATSUKI ANDDDD RYUKO! Astrid couldn't stop staring at Satsuki's amazing eyebrows. Satsuki returned her stare and she smirked and she yelled " I KNEW YOU COULDN'T RESIST MY DELICIOUS EYEBROWS AND FEMININE CHARM. I TOO AM A LESBIAN BUT UNLIKE MY STUPID PORK FLAPPING LITTLE DINGLEBERRY SISTER RYUKO, I HAVE DIGINITY WHEN IT COMES TO EXPRESSING MY LESBIAN FEELINGS." Suddenly she ripped off junketsu exposing her nakedness AND A GIANT DOUBLE DELUXE STRAP ON.

**Chapter 5: What the fucks eating Gilbert Grape **

Hiccup wondered when she had put on the strap on since he had been staring at her BUSH the whole time. She flung forward strap on first and slapped astrid across the face with her 2 foot strap on. Astrid yelled out in pleasure " AYE YIEE AYE YIE AYEEE YIEEEEE YAAAA" hiccup was enraptured with the situation at hand and took out his man sword with his hand and began to masturbate furiously with his hand. " WAIT A SECOND" hiccup exclaimed " Astrid is really enjoying this it looks like she might…BE A LESBIAN" hiccup began to run his entire 5 year relationship through his mind. He thought back to all the times he had initiated the sex and she had dressed him up in frilly maid dresses with long luscious wigs, and how she often seemed bored by his little pecker, often read long novels during intercourse.

**Chapter 6: The lion the witch and the wardrobe**

Toothless was watching all of this happen in utter disgust. His giant dragon peen would be too much for all of them in its dragon form. If only there was some way to help his virgin ass get laid. Toothless was about ready to abandon this situation and so was hiccup. " Lets blow this bitch" said toothless flipping his ray ban sunglasses down. Hiccup knodded in agreeance. Hiccup got up and ran to toothless BUT HE WAS SUDDENLY TRIPPED BY SATSUKIS ULTIMATE DOUBLE DELUXE STRAP ON and he fell to the ground. Satsuki laughed her beautiful laugh " NEGLIGENT BUMBERBUCKET, HOW COULD YOU THINK ME SUCH A FOOL AS TO LET YOU ESCAPE WITH THAT WRINKLED SPRINKLEDINK OF A DRAGON." Satsuki slapped hiccup and toothless across the face with her strap on a couple of times for good measure. Then she turned and stomped her heel like the super hot and sexy lady she is, " YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS STUPID CRACKED WINE BOTTLE AGAIN AND HE WILL NEVER LOSE HIS VIRGINITY!" and with that she dragged the dragon up the stairs vanishing in a blinding sheen of light.

**Chapter 7: Hamlet, Othello, Macbeth name the one with the black dude in it**

Astrid was on her knees half her clothes ripped off and looking very disappointed. Hiccup also looked very disappointed. " WHAT THE HELL" he shouted. He hit the ground with his fists. " IM GONNA FIND OUT WHO KILLED MY DAD." Yelled Ryuko. Everyone looked at her slightly puzzled but nobody said a word in response. "THAT BITCH STOLE MY DRAGON" yelled hiccup, " THAT BITCH STOLE MY VIRGINITY…..not that I mind" cooed astrid. Hiccup gave astrid a menacing glare they had had sex before he knew she was not a virgin. "Astrid weve had sex you aren't a virgin" said hiccup. "With that finger sausage Id have better luck fucking a tampon" shot astrid back at hiccup. Hiccup looked down in sadness, it was true. BUT WAIT THEY HAD A REAL ISSUE AT HAND. They HAD TO GET TOOTHLESS BACK. "Astrid lets stop fucking around and get serious. " YEAH WE GOTTA FIND OUT WHO KILLED MY DAD" Yelled ryuko. So they set off at once entering THE FIRST CLASS ROOM IN HONNOUJI ACADEMY AP CALCULUS.

**Chapter 8: Mexican Sunday**

The trio ran into their first classroom. They knew it would be a test of strength and will, but the classroom was absolutely empty except for a single chocolate sprinkle cupcake on the upper right side desk. "WHERE THE FUCK IS SATSUKI" Yells astrid. Suddenly the ceiling came crashing down on all of them, IT WAS GAMAGORI. He took up most of the room, ryuko, astrid, and hiccup were smashed inbetween gamagori's massive thighs, and some satsuki bush paraphanila. Astrid was slightly turned on by both the thighs and the bush paraphanila. " WHERES MY DAD" yells ryuko. Gamagori had remained silent through out all of this, he liked to hear the stretching of his skin over his giant muscles which is why he always kept quiet at first. " YOU FOOLS WILL NEVER PASS MY AP CALCULUS TEST" Astrid chuckled " 2 +2= 3 YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER, I LEARNED MATH SELLING CANALOPES THIS SUMMER" "DAMMIT I NEVER EXPECTED A BUNCH OF IDIOTS TO BE SO DAMN GOOD AT MATH, THIS IS THE END FOR ME" he shouted, and he stabbed himself through the chest with an AP calculus text book, bleeding out on the floor infront of them. " YEAH AWESOME LETS GO FIND OUT WHO PUT MY FATHER IN JAIL" said Ryuko stepping on his dead body. Astrid kicked gamagori's toned ass and left the room. " what a sorry motherfucker, never stood a chance- WHAT THE FUCK" Right before astrid was about to enter the next chamber, a giant axe came through the door. "HERES JOHNNY" screamed Gamagori. He was looming over them In the doorway of the BOATING AND FISHING SAFTEY CLASSROOM.

**Chapter 9: Hamarabi's code **

"BUT YOU KILLED YOURSELF WITH THE TEXTBOOK" yelled Astrid, "THAT WAS ONLY HELPING ME ON MY JOURNEY TO CLIMAX." "Oh shit hes gonna fuck us up with that axe isn't he?" Shouted hiccup. Gamagori tossed the axe to the side. "NO YOU FOOLS" he shouted as he took a bite from the chocolate sprinkle cupcake " YOU HAVE TO PASS MY FISHING AND BOATING SAFTEY COURSE FIRST!" "alright" says astrid " LOOKS LIKE THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET INTRESTING GOOD THING I LEARNED EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT FISHING AND BOATING SAFTEY SELLING CANTALOPE THIS SUMMER!" Gamagori chuckled " That may be so, BUT CAN YOU TELL ME HOW MANY TASTEBUDS A WESTERN STRIPED CATFISH HAS?" " THAT'S CHUMP CHANGE" exclaimed astrid " 324.276 EXACTLY, BUT THAT'S A REDUNDANT QUESTION BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON THE SEASONN" retorted astrid smugly. " IVE GOTTA FIND OUT WHO KILLED MY DAD." Shouted Ryuko. "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SEASON BECAUSE YOU ANSWERED THE AMOUNT FOR A WESTERN SEA SPOTTED CATFISH YOU FOOOOL!" gamagori threw his head back in laughter for such a rooky mistake. His laughter cut off suddenly and so was his head by the stupid axe he had thrown to the side. IT was ASTRID WHO HAD THROWN IT " NOBODY CALLS ME A ROOKY YOU BUMBERBUTT." Hiccup thought that was pretee hot of his girlfriend. He had almost forgotten what a badass she was. " Ha I know bitch" She said reading hiccups mind. They pressed onwards to the next classroom, leaving behind nothing but Gamagori dead body's nipple tassles fluttering in the wind.

**Chapter 10: Toast on Rye**

Right before they were about to enter the next classroom they heard a hacking sound coming from the other door in the room. Above the door was a plaque that said " Satsuki's mother fucking office" and below that a removable sign that said " DO NOT ENTER IM BUSY, also don't eat my chocolate sprinkle cupcake." " I WONDER IF THE GUY WHO KILLED MY DAD IS IN THAT OFFICE." Said ryuko. " I really don't think satsuki is gonna be In there" sighed astrid " But its worth a goddamn shot". They opened the door and were immeadately inveloped in a cloud of weed smoke. "OH SWEET JESUS THIS IS ONE GIANT HOTBOX" shouted hiccup. There was a figure in the spinny computer chair opposite the desk. The figure was facing the other way and smoking something , probably a giant joint. A low chuckle came from the chair which turned into full blown laughter. It was at this point in time everyone noticed the desk covered in various weed smoking devices. Astrids eyes were burning from the intense amount of smoke, it looked like there were a ton of incense burners set up except they were all filled with weed and lit ablaze. Slowly the chair spun around revealing…..SATSUKI KIRYUIN, with a gas mask filled with weed smoke on her face.

"Sup baby dicks, is it hot in here or what my coats getting tighter than dick skin." Satsuki slurred. Astrid and hiccup looked at each other, hiccup wondered how astrid had gotten so much spinach in her teeth. "I knew satsuki wouldn't be in here, that would be too easy, lets go find my dad." Ryuko said turning and beginning to walk out. " are you stupid Rachel" sighed hiccup. " WHERE IS TOOTHLESS" shouted astrid. " Satsuki burst out laughing " I was gonna smoke up that bitch but he cant hold no joint wit no teeth." " YOU WERE GOING TO GET HIGH WITH MY DRAGON? HES ALLERGIC, don't you think weve tried ?" " We was gonna be hittin up that purple haze but as soon as I lit that joint he passed the fuck out." Satsuki shrugged. " SO WHERE IS HE NOW?" " bitch if I know " Satsuki took a drag and held it in for a little bit to long and started coughing " Ah sweet as a drop ah honey suckle on pussy, why don't you two lighten up and take a hit wit me, didn't you know its May 20th?" Hiccup raised an eyebrow " Don't you mean April 20th?" Satsuki blew out a bunch of weed smoke in Hiccups face and leaned in real close "that's what I said, didn't you know its June 20th?" " oh sweet jesus we are never finding out where toothless is from this blazed bitch". groaned astrid " YEAH OR MY DAD" Yelled ryuko " Now hold on baby dick I never said I wasn't gonna tell you where that dragon was." Satsuki said smirking. " Alright just tell us!" Shouted everyone in unision." " Alright I see nobody here wants to have any fun on August 20th, Ill tell you right now, but first you must answer my riddle." " WHAT THE FUCK SATSUKI" screamed everyone. "Just kiddin follow me." Satsuki tried to get up from her chair, but she slid off and fell to the floor. " Betta down here anyway" she shrugged and she began to roll out of the room.

**Chapter 11: Whoopie pie Pretzel Crisp**

Toothless was chained up in shackles looking degraded. But wait a second, Toothless was no longer a dragon, but a young man, his allergic reaction turned him human! Toothless was naked and sad, crying to himself with a big human gummy frown. He still had no teeth. He also still had a pretty sizable dick, but no where near as big as his Dragon form. He struggled to speak without his teeth slurring most words " I guess the only positive is that now I could lose my virginity." He wept to himself. But who could ever love a toothless man. Just then the door slammed open and satsuki rolled in, eyes red as fuck and looking very blazed. " So thats where you slunk off to." Satsuki mumbled through a giant joint in her mouth. She pointed to Toothless in chains. " Of Course I'm here you chained me too the wall and stole my dragon strength by turning me human with the purple haze" Satsuki paused, looked at toothless's boyhood and raised a brow " Man if id like to suck on that cookie, too bad I already got me a joint in my mouth, Ryuko get ur pretty little ass over here." Cooed Satsuki slapping her little sisters ass as she walked bye. " I want you to christen this dragonboy with your glorious womanhood, you know what to do." Satsuki winked while eating a pot brownie. Ryuko straddled the chained dragon's engorged member. " MAYBE THIS WILL HELP ME FIND OUT WHO KILLED MY FATHER" Screamed out Ryuko as she began the intercourse with toothless. Toothless was so overcome with the emotion of losing his virginity he turned back into a dragon, Tearing Ryuko in half. " Oh look DINNER AND A SHOW" laughed satsuki as brownie crumbs fell from her lips so did the twos halves of Ryuko to the floor. Toothless looked at the two halves of a person laying in front of him. The half of the body with ryuko's mouth let out a soft murmur " I guess ill never find…who killed my dad." " Satsuki looked over at ryuko from the floor " Bitch I think that was me, bitches do crazy shit when dey high " Snorted Satsuki. " I guess ill never find out …who killed my dad" Whispered ryuko and then she died. Satsuki paused " Shit man I need some taco bell"

**Chapter 12: What a girl wants**

And so toothless was reunited with Hiccup and astrid at long last, and he was no longer a virgin. Everything was right with world. Satsuki was mellow with her weed and feelin real good " You bitches pretty cool, still wish youd taken a nice little hit wit me." Satsuki said said blowing a puff out her pipe. All was right with the world. Hiccup waved goodbye, checking his orders on amazon to see if the satsuki bush poster hed ordered had shipped yet. Damn it hadn't. He was gonna miss that bush. He took one last peak before having astrid clamber on toothless's back with him. Suddenly a giant rainbow appeared over the interirty of Honnouji Academy. Satsuki squinted her hazy eyes in the bright rainbow light " Ah no not this bitch again." Hiccup looked back at Satsuki " Who is it?" Satsuki closed her eyes and took a very very long drag on her joint. " My goddamn mom" IT WAS RAGYO KIRYUIN. She landed in the middle of the arena looking very pleased and very rainbowey. " Oh satsuki dear, I see you've taken up smoking that dirty drug again, wont you share some with your dirty dirty mother." Winked Ragyo. " Fuck off mom" said Satsuki. " JUST KIDDING IM GOING TO KILL ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS." Raygo screamed out in delight. She whipped out a bunch of life fibers that enveloped Toothless. He turned into a giant raging dragon with red eyes and collar coated in spikey dicks. He blew hot fire out his mouth and ass. Singing Satsuki's giant pile of weed right behind toothless. " Ah yeah that's what Im talkin bout" " smirked Satsuki. Toothless began to eat everyone. First he ate Ragyo, Then he ate Astrid. " Come on buddy its me hiccup." Then he ate hiccup. He got to Satsuki and gulped her up butthole first, **As Satsuki went down toothless's throat she blew out a puff of smoke from her lips and smirked "All a girl needs is some smokey". **

**The End**


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